1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the “Live to ride—ride to live” statement on your inspection cover.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added lame appearance.
6. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
7. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
8. Leather pants
10. Wrap around sunglasses
11. Skull cap helmet(German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary
12. CAT work boots (new)
13. Leather vest with a million patches.
14. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
15. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline.
16. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout
17. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle
18. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool